Friday, December 30, 2005

CATS: Decomposed

music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
based on the work of T.S. Eliot. Yes really.
Notes: Sometimes, you
can fool all of the people all of the time. On the one hand, this show gave Terrence Mann unto the world. On the other hand, it horked up giant, pretentious hairballs all over Broadway for eighteen years. Then again...I'm sure there must be something else good about "CATS"...but...eighteen years.

It was the best of shows, it was the worst of shows. It wore out it's welcome many times over, but finally it went to the big flying tire in the sky.

Still...eight. teen. years.


(Scene: an alley in vaguely-80s-Edwardian England. I believe. Or maybe not.

There are cats.)

CATS: Scratch! Lick! Lick! Purr! Kick! Scratch! Scratch! Lick! Lick! Purr! Kick! Scratch! Scratch! Lick! Lick! Purr! Kick! Scratch!

(There are more cats. Some Thundercat in S&M gear Ricky-Martins his pelvis all over the stage. Also, there is a shoe. And tap-dancing. And possibly a war.)

CATS: That connects with...Purr! Purr! Flick! Flick! Hiss! Scratch! Step! Turn! Lick! Lick! Purr! Kick! Spray!

GRIZABELLA: What am I? A mouse on heroin or something?



CATS: Second verse, same as the first! Spray!

(Stuff happens. It might have been plot, but...can't...remember...brain...hurts...)

GRIZABELLA: Is it feline leukemia? Catnip abuse? Seriously, what the hell's wrong with me?

(Curtain. Garnish with tire.)

© copyright 2005 Musical Decomposition


Viv said...

Thank you. That pretty much sums up my thoughts about Cats when I first saw it as a child, aka "THE HELL?"

Dana said...

Sadly, as I've been acquainted with the show since I was 4 and have seen it 3 times, I have figured out the plot. But I will never tell. MWAHAHAHAHA. But still--it took me about--oh--18 YEARS to figure it out.

cats fan said...

It took awhile to figure out who Grizabella realy was because I was 10. I understand now and I love it even more now that I understand the whole story. Cool play.